Why the Korean stuff?

The other day, Robert and I bought and downloaded Adopted the Movie. It's something I'd been waiting to see for a while now. We tried ordering it online a month or so ago, but shipping alone was going to cost over $100 (!!!), so we didn't get it. Thankfully, they made it available for download, so we finally managed to see it...

So much of it rang true. And so much of it made me see that I'm not alone in the world when it comes to feeling/thinking certain things. I have many many things to say in response to Adopted, but I thought that for now, I'd just post one of the movies from their YouTube page:



I've been trying to explain to Robert, lately, why all this Korean stuff is so important to me - why I'm spending so much time and effort to learn the language, and why I feel like I simply have to... be Korean in some ways. I suppose in this video, Richard Lee explains it pretty well when he says that adoptees "experience a sense of loss". ...that "may come later in life". I think that, in learning Korean... I'm filling in a part of me that I feel has been missing - filling in the hole that I feel like I'm experiencing through that loss. People seem to perceive my learning Korean as an "interest"... a "passion"... Robert's aunt said to me on Facebook the other day that she thinks I'm "amazing that I can put so much effort into my 'passion'". But I feel like it's more than that. It's part of who I am. It's part of me, whether or not people like it. Whether I like it or not.

I could go through life without it. But I've done that for 20 odd years. And it's driven me crazy. I feel like I can't live, feeling as though I have a hole in me. Without it, I'm constantly wondering, and I'm sick of living like that. It makes everything seem so empty...

That, however, is not to say that my life here isn't "good enough". Finding the Korean part of me doesn't mean that I think my life here is crap or worthless. It's not. I love what I have in Australia. But it's not completely who I am. I don't feel like I can relate wholly to Australia and its culture. I often feel out of place... like I don't really belong. Despite the fact that I haven't been back to Korea since I was born, I suppose I have that yearning that Richard Lee briefly mentions in the above video. And it's a strange feeling... feeling like I need to go back to a place I don't even remember!

Anywho, I'm aware that this blog is sounding very very emo these days. Which sucks, I know. I need Korean speaking practice so badly, but I've been so lazy. So just to... make things a bit less adoption-emo-ish, I'll just post the MV for this song that I like at the moment.