Sometimes, though, I find myself getting very easily offended and/or pissed off. And when that happens, it often causes my mind to wander and think about similar scenarios that have happened to/around me...
A couple of months ago, I changed my Facebook name to my Korean name. Just to see what it felt/looked like. (It was different, actually. Never realised how much a name means...!) I have since changed it back to my "normal" name (else people I've added wouldn't have had any clue as to who I am! LOL).
But it's funny - sometimes it's the people we know who tend to offend us more than any stranger. Well, for me, that seems to be the case at times...
Despite having changed my name back to my western name, my aunt-in-law who's on Facebook still calls me "Yoon Seon". I have no issues with this. I did change my name for a while. However, maybe it's just me, but whenever she comes online, she sends me random Korean things, and I feel like when she calls me "Yoon Seon", it's a bit... like a mockery. But whether it be a song or... whatever, if it's in Korean, I'll likely see it. It just reminds me of when I've had discussions with random people that go like this:
Person: where do you come from?
Me: You mean "where was I born?" Otherwise I come from Sydney *trying very hard not to roll eyes*
Person: Yes. Where were you born? Were you born in Australia? What nationality are you really?
Me: Well I am Australian. *Forced smile* But I was BORN in S.Korea. (There is a difference, idiot.)
Person: Oh, really? I know someone who came from there too! Their name was... hmm... can't remember. But they were SO good looking, and they lived in... (insert-random-suburb-here). Do you know them? Have you heard of them?
...I'm sorry, but...
AARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE that conversation. I have had it SO many times, and every time, I get so close to grabbing the person's shoulders and just shaking them! I'm sorry, but believe it or not, just because I'm of Korean heritage does NOT mean I know EVERY Korean person in the world! And in regards to my husband's aunt: just because I'm of Korean heritage does not mean I'm interested in every little Korean thing you might come across!! Yes, it might come as a shock to you, but it's the truth! 9_9
I don't expect my husband's family to understand my POV. But it does grate on one's nerves after a time...
Honestly, where does the thing come from - where caucasian people pull their eyes back in a stupid attempt to look Asian? Seriously. WTF is that?? I used have so many kids come up and do that to me as a child. I'd just be walking through the school corridors, or be playing on the playground, and kids I didn't even know would do that in passing. I remember going home SO many times and just staring at my eyes in the mirror for AGES, thinking 'my eyes don't look like that, so why do they do that? My eyes are the same size as their's. So why do they do that when they see me?'. I've never understood that. As an adult, in my opinion, it just makes them look stupid.
...but it can still be offensive. And it's these things that stick in our minds so easily. A few years ago, my husband's mother did that in my presence, and I was so taken aback that I could only sit there, dumbfounded. She didn't do it directly to me (I think she was talking about Asian tourists in Sydney or something), but just the fact that she did it at all, I just found... strange. It was quickly followed by a pronouncement of how she doesn't consider me "Asian". Am I supposed to be grateful for that "consideration"? As if being Asian is a bad thing? As if I'm "lucky" that I've been accepted into my husband's caucasian clan, despite my racial background??
It's really funny, the assumptions that people of "white privilege" make on those of us who are anything but. Although it's a great thing to sometimes joke about, I'm also a bit over my husband's sister (HAHA... I'm starting to see a theme going on here) saying how "beautiful" my and Robert's children will be, because I'm Korean and half Korean/caucasian children are "meant to be" good looking. Seriously. OK, it's nice to go "yay! I'll have pretty children", but, really... when you've said it... 5, 6, 7 times... isn't just getting a bit... superficial?
You'd think that those of whom we're "meant" to be close to would know a bit better, but clearly not. Clearly, when you're anything but caucasian, you're stuck with the stigma of being different. This is obviously how I'm going to be identified by my husband's family - tolerated, but still separate from them. My personality, likes and dislikes, abilities and disabilities don't even come into the equation for many of them.
It's funny, because (thankfully) Robert is the complete opposite of his family. I don't know why. It's probably because he has many Asian friends and has had a great interest in some parts of Asia. I've always been simply friends with him, because he's only ever treated me as HUMAN. My background has never been an issue for him, personally. He's just always treated me as Alexis, and that's it. Sure, he cares about all the complications I'm going through with my identity and stuff, but I feel like, before we got married or romantically involved AT ALL, we were easily friends because anything about my racial background simply... never mattered to him. He NEVER said anything like "I don't really consider you Asian", or "hey, look at this Korean thing!" or "wow, do you go well at school/uni?" or any of that. To me, I'm just Alexis, and as an adoptee, that has to be one of the most valuable and attractive traits about him. Aside from being really intelligent, nice, and easy to talk to, I don't think I could have married someone without this very rare trait... <3
Speaking of which, he'll probably be home soon, so I should wrap this up. If you're reading this and you know someone who's anything but caucasian (or just different to most people around you), just think about this... I think people need to consider things like this more - to see past people's outside appearances, because believe it or not, there is much more to us non-caucasians than what you can only see.
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