It's been a while... And the second part of self interview

Wow, it's been a while since I updated this blog. I don't know why I haven't updated recently. I suppose I've just been a bit distracted with other things. And I've been sick. Again. Robert and I both got sick this time. I haven't had a good year in terms of physical health. Seems I've had flu-like bugs a lot (I'm hoping it's not Swine Flu. LOL. Not that I ever go near pigs or anything...).

Anyway, tonight I received an e-mail from the editor of Adoptive Families Association, asking if they could print something I wrote earlier in this blog in their magazine! I'm quite stoked, really! I mean, I knew this blog had gained a few readers, but I never thought I'd have someone asking if they could print something I wrote in a magazine! How exciting! ^_^

Anywho, I haven't forgotten about the self interview I started a few weeks back! So I'm going to continue that now...

*****

Self Interview Part II

"We adopted our son from Guatemala. He is considerably smaller than other American children. I worry that this will start to cause issues later on in life, even though he seems quite comfortable in his skin. Have you got any opinions/advice on this?"

HAHA. This really isn't funny, however it is, because I can relate to it so much. Despite the fact that (according to Robert) Koreans are taller than other Asian races, Asian people in general seem to be shorter and smaller than caucasian people. This may seem somewhat trivial if you're someone who's always simply blended in with your surroundings and have never had to really think about your height before. But when you're already different on the outside to the other children/people around you, it does become quite a big issue.

Personally, I am now (after many years of struggling) quite happy with my height (162cm - Robert measured me the other day because we were playing Wii Fit!) and I no longer want to be taller than I already am. However, growing up, height seemed to play a big factor, even though it really shouldn't have.

The first thing that springs to mind are school photo days (if I had one here I'd scan it and put it on here. However I'm going to my parents' house on the weekend, so perhaps I'll do it then). Every year I was seated down the bottom. Normally I'd be on the end of the bottom row (meaning I was the shortest, or one of them at least), and if I was lucky I'd be one or two people in. But generally, I was on the end. This bothered me so much growing up. In western cultures, it seems that taller is more respected than shorter. (Personally, I really don't know why. I think six foot tall women can often look a bit silly, really. Not all, but some.) So along with already appearing different on the outside, I was also marked as the short one. I remember being in years 5 and 6 and kids who were younger then me would come up and ask if I was in year 1 or 2! As a child who already had insecurities about her background and physical appearance, this was just another stab to the gut.

Nowadays, people think I'm lucky that I look much younger than I actually am (I still get asked for ID when I enter places that have such requirements). But as a child, it's just not something you want, and it only adds to your insecurities.

The other thing that made me feel so out of place was that, for some reason, height has always seemed to be an issue with my extended family. I've never really known why. (Sometimes I wonder whether they have more insecurities about height than I do). My Mum is the oldest of five siblings. Most of whom are really quite tall. And I just remember particular aunts and uncles constantly making comments (often in a joking way) about my height. They still do it sometimes. And I honestly don't really understand why. But it always played a part, especially when my younger sister out-grew me at a pretty young age, and so did my younger cousins.

Honestly, I think the more something gets mentioned, the more of an issue it becomes. In the context of my family, if it hadn't been brought up so often, I probably wouldn't have worried about it as much as I did. Sure, I'd go home and complain to my Mum about how I was shorter than everyone else at school, but to this day, I still don't really understand the issue my Mum's family seems to have about height... it simply boggles my mind sometimes, and I walk away thinking 'why???'.

I think as an adoptee, outside appearances play a huge part in our lives, more than they do for others - because it's what people see at first glance - it's what sets us apart from those around us and those closest to us.

For anyone reading this seeking advice - I'd simply say: don't make it an issue in your family. If your child comes home upset that someone said something to them at school, comfort them, but don't then make it an issue in your home. I've found that it's just another way of saying "you're different from us. Here's another way you aren't like us!". In all honesty, I think that's how I feel, deep down, whenever members of my extended family say things like this. I already look at them and see the endless differences between myself and them, but when they constantly bring up my height and such, I feel like saying "sheesh, why don't you just list off all the other reasons as to how I don't blend in here? We all know the differences are there! Just rub it in a bit more, why don't you? Add a bit more salt to that wound!".

We adoptees already have to deal with our differences every single day. Don't highlight the differences to the adopted child. It only increases their sense of insecurity and their sense of "oh, look! Just another way I'm different!".

*****

And with that... I should probably go to bed! Til next time!